Create + Write + Inspire
Hearts and Everything Else
by Jennifer Kelly on February 12th, 2015

I peeked out from underneath the blanket. The window next to my bed is open and darkness lies all around me. February in the desert is like a dream. Not too hot and not too cold.

The crisp, dry air always seems to find its way to my window. To see the breeze play with the curtains that hang next to me is like watching that dream take place in real time. I can't help but stare from underneath my blanket, enjoying the feeling of comfort and warmth, while watching the desert breeze and the curtains talk and move and dance. 

It's so dark. I think it's much too early to rise and give way, to officially start this day. But like most days, I have come to learn that the good Lord has other plans. The real question is - am I willing to pay attention and obey?

I try to focus on things other than my window. I guess I'm trying to convince my body of what my mind wants to do. This is the struggle every morning. To bend and break the solitude of rest and sleeping...

My body eventually acquiesces and I find myself shuffling down the stairway. Bible and books and journal in hand. I go to the same table, the same worn-out spot, with the same coffee cup in hand and sit. Partly hoping and praying that God would make Himself more known to me today than the day before, and mostly asking for grace and mercy not to screw it up.

This morning seems different. Maybe because I'm too tired to pretend. I start scribbling down all the things I'm bad at, all the prayers I desperately need, all my anxieties and all my fears. I stop and look back down at my journal and desperately write, "I just need You today Lord".

The truth is, I've been thinking too much. Too much about the news, too much about Valentine's Day and the effects of "Fifty Shades of Grey". I have been thinking about taxes and my health and the kind of women my daughters are growing up to be.

Did I do the laundry, pay all the bills, and talk to my husband about that one appointment in the up and coming days?

And through it all, dear Jesus, I just need to know that You love me today.
In the big ways and the small.
In-between the seconds and minutes and hours that will make up today.
Do You love me?


And He says in the best way possible, in a reminder, in a moment, in a way only that could revive my spirit, "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know." (John 14:1-4).

The same words Jesus says to Peter, He says to all of us who believe. Even in knowing our failures. Yes, Peter would deny Him, would fail Him three times in a solitary night. I will fail Him a million times throughout my life.

But Jesus does not fail.
He did not fail Peter and He will not fail me.
Despite my worries, my sin and my shame.

In His love, I am revived.
In His love, I am moved.
In His love, I cast all my cares upon Him and work on the things I know He wants me to work on. His discipline becomes my joy. The struggle to get my body, mind and heart into submission eases with His love. And suddenly, I want to do things differently than the day before. This is the work of a disciple. The real work of following Jesus. The difficult work of faith rooted deeply in love.

I realize in changing my heart, in changing my life - You must have it all.
And my heart is no longer troubled because I'm learning to trust You. To trust You with all of it.

It is two sided. My heart needs to believe, needs to be revived and inspired. And my actions need to follow. To trust that Jesus has my very best interest at heart is the only way this happens.
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So, here's my life Lord.
Mold it, mend it, break it and renew it.
"We cannot give our hearts to God and keep our bodies for ourselves" Elisabeth Elliot


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2 Comments

Sharon Hoover - February 12th, 2015 at 9:18 AM
This is a good word for today! Thank you, Jennifer, for the reminder to "not let my heart be troubled." I too spend too many hours turning things over to the Lord...and then taking it back to "help" Him handle it! :-/
Jennifer - February 12th, 2015 at 9:24 AM
Thank you Sharon!
I'm finding how much I need daily reminders of His love and faithfulness.
I agree... I try and "help" Him handle the stuff that I lay down. Really letting go and knowing that if I believe in Him, no matter what trial or tribulation comes - He has my very best in mind. In this life & the next. Thanks for the thoughts.
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