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Jesus, today. (A Meditation)
by Jennifer Kelly on February 25th, 2016

Something in my soul feels like it's jilted and hyperventilating a bit. I don't need to cook or clean or run. My heart doesn't need to transfix words on a page; it needs to pour out sounds and release itself in prayer.

Prayer = the unsolicited and underused power that connects me with the Holy of Holies.

I stand up and head over to my golden, brown ottoman. My family's craigslist steal, has hosted strangers, family and friends, but in the last year and half I'm particular to this piece of furniture in a more spiritual kind of way. During the evening-time our 'new-to-us' ottoman is the place for my family's feet to glaze, but more often than not, it has been a refuge for my weary elbows and arms to pray. In the early morning hours, mid-afternoon, or late night times when I can't seem to sleep or eat, my wearied head burrows and tears often ensue.

"Dear Jesus..."

I find no coincidence that our ottoman doubles for dirty feet to feel comfortable AND acts as a prayer bench for a much dirtier, sinner-girl like me.

More words have been lifted up to Jesus about (this-and-that) and (that-and-this) than what I could even begin to describe. Our brown, sectional couch will be with me one day in Paradise. Where it will host friends and family once again in a much grander/heavenly sort of way, but it will be the ottoman that holds the secrets. More than functionality, comfort, or golden hues it displays, it is the place where Jesus gently strokes the top of my head, like a father to his daughter, listening and guiding, even when I wasn't fully aware of His presence. Only proving that prayer can turn any ordinary piece of furniture, or place, into an intimate, loving and exceptionally (rare) space of 'holy ground'. 

My stance always changes after "Dear Jesus". I usually end up curling into a ball somehow. My spine no longer straight but bowed. Begging for Jesus to come, to help, to save, to forgive, to clean, to heal, to give, to come again. This begging (of and for) Jesus today is no longer an issue as it once was. If anything, with our growing age and friendship, it's more frequent. Give me Jesus today; I only need Jesus today - because one day without Him is just no good at all.

I understand why the Syrophoenician woman went straight to Jesus when she heard of His arrival, fell at His feet and begged. "If only the crumbs - I'll take Your crumbs Lord" (Mark 7:24-30). Or how about the woman who bled for years and knew that she just needed to reach and touch Jesus' garment? Just a fingertip act of desperation in faith (Mark 5:21-43). I wonder if during their journey they thought, "Just give me Jesus today, I only need Jesus today".

For this woman, it's a desperate/jilted kind of day where I know I need to get to Jesus. Not that it's a bad or good type of day, but one in which my soul is stirring. Right now. In this very moment.

"Jesus, would You come, help, see, forgive, clean, heal, give and come again Lord? Please. Whisper something. Touch something. I'll take the crumbs if you'll accept my frantic act of desperation to experience you today Lord."

Because nothing else matters. Nothing. The house, the bills, the worries and cares. His presence consumes everything.

And my soul breathes.

I wipe the tears from my puffy cheeks and stand up slowly. What was once so jumbled and frantic is now calm and released. Because of prayer. Because of my time with Him. And I'm thankful and hopeful. His Spirit lives in me and whispers, "Daughter". I am accepted and loved and called His very own.

And that's what happens when we beg for Jesus, today. 
Presence, purpose, hope and renewal. 
Just give me Jesus today.


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1 Comments

Mike Kelly - February 25th, 2016 at 1:24 PM
Don't we all need a little bit of this! Nice work and very well written.
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